A History - Part 1

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About 75% People died because of this Cancer. However the percentage to survive is 85%. I've been called out forward to tell the full story about this.

I was in high fever starting on 16 November 2013. I was caught fever just at night. I was quivering, three layers of blanket covered Me, but I'm still shivering. My back was sweating but I feel so damn cold like the room temperature was -24 Degree Celcius. Each and every single night since then, I caught out high fever. During the day, it was so frequent for Me to be fainted or weak. I felt so damn weak, I could not even focus during the lecture.

I was just entering My Final Semester in Diploma in English (UPSI). I started to feel anxious about My health condition, I thought that I might having be suffering Dengue. So, I went to UPSI Clinic, they made the Blood Test. The Doctor said, I suffered Anemia. It means, I have abnormal count for Red Blood Cells. Normally, People should have <12 of Haemoglobin. But, I have only 8 Haemoglobin. The Doctor told Me, if My blood count start to fall again in a week, they will give Me blood (From the blood bank). Indeed, they gave Me Vitamin B12 as to help My blood cells to grow.

I eat them as been scheduled. Each and every day, I started to feel so uneasy, I just wanted to vomit all over the place. 4 Days after, I have a MUET Writing Test. I literally fainted when I was answering the Reading Test. Mama and Abah sent Me to PUSRAWI Hospital, and I was admitted. They dripped Me with Saline Water, and I woke up. I got admitted for 3 Days, then I got back to the class as usual.

But, I still feel the same (High Fever at Night, Fainted during the Day). Then, after 2-3 days I realized there was something swollen at My neck. At first, it was only one, later it had been three of them. I called Mama, Mama told Me "Tonsil je tu Dik, sebab Adik demam. Nanti Adik baik demam, Dia hilang lah."

I tried to pinch them, then it was so frickin' hurt that I could literally feel the pain straight to My brain. I knew it must be something wrong. Since then, I started to cough. Non-stop of coughing like hell. I got back to KL, then Abah brought Me to KPJ Tawakkal to check up upon the three swollen unknown things on My neck. They sent Me to their lab.

The doctor asked Me to lay on the bed, and I was a little bit nervous. He took out a syringe, the needle was rarely big then He injected Me with the needle, as the syringe tried to pull out a small amount of cells from the unknown swollen things on My neck. They need to have some experiment on that thing. I swear it was seriously painful, but I was "Doctor? Dah ke? Tengah bagi Bius ke tu?" I thought, it was the pain relief injection. 

2 Days after, the Doctor called Me back to give the result. They said, they can't find what is in the cells. It was like a unknown multi-celullar organism. After all, the Doctor suggested for Me to go to Institut Perubatan Respiratori (IPR), as He suspected it was ONLY a Tuberculosis (TB).

So, Abah brought Me to IPR as been suggested. Again, IPR took several amounts of My blood for blood test, the TB Test Injection, Phlegm Test (ANNOYING), X-Rays. I swear those tests have been repeated for more than 6 times. But they gave the pre-assumption, I was free from Tuberculosis. But, they suggest us to go for Biopsy Operation.

Again, Yup. Back and forth to the Hospital. Abah brought Me back to KPJ Tawakkal for Biopsy. Before I begin the operation, I need to do the CT Scan.

I've done the CT Scan. Later, there were 3 Expertises came to My room. The Asthma Expertise, the Lungs Expertise, and the Neurology Expertise if I'm not mistaken. All of them hoping that it will be only Tuberculosis.

The next day, I've started My biopsy. It was a major operation, which means I was fully unconcious. The operation took about 1 Hour and 30 Minutes, then I was half-realized it was 12:30PM, and I asked Nurses to bring Me back to the ward as I wanted to see My parents and I didn't want them to wait for Me that long. Nurses brought Me back to My room. I saw My siblings and My parents were waiting for Me anxiously. Then I've been unconcious again. I sleep from 12:30PM till 7:00PM, and I haven't eat anything since 10:00PM the day before. Mama tried so hard to wake Me up, as I could hear Her voice, but I didn't have the strength to give respond. Later on, I tried so damn hard to open My eyes and talk. Quickly, Mama gave Me some food that She bought. I was admitted for another 2 Days. Then, I went back Home and waiting for the Result of the Biopsy Operation.

Again, the doctor called Me to come to KPJ Tawakkal for picking up the Result. At first, He can't even smile at Me or look into My eyes. Then, He asked Me to lay down on the bed, and He checked Me up a little bit if there are any other swollen things. 

Then, He asked Me and Abah to sit.
Surgeon : Jadi, ini lah result nya.
Me : *Looking at the letter cluelessly* Maksudnya?
Surgeon : Adik menghidap Hodgkins Lymphoma Stage 2B.
Me : Apa tu?
Surgeon : Sejenis sel kanser. Kami tak dapat nak kesan berapa banyak sel kanser yang ada dalam badan Adik sebab setiap satu sel kanser tu ada lebih banyak sel-sel lain.
Me : Jadi? Macam mana ni Bah?
Abah : *Stares at the ceiling and window* I know He was trying not to shed any tears.
Abah : Rawatan jenis macam mana yang ada Doktor?
Surgeon : Banyak. Ramai orang survive dari Kanser ni. Cuma, kena rawat secepat yang boleh. Tak boleh tangguh. Sebab boleh jadi Leukimea.
Me : Ni jenis Kanser camne? Tak pernah dengar pun?
Abah : Is is like Leukimea?
Surgeon : Yes. It is almost the same cancer like Leukimea.
Me : Oooo. Nanti Saya kena Kemoterapi ke? Radioterapi?
Surgeon : Itu jenis-jenis rawatan yang ada lah.
Abah : Tawakkal ada buat Kemoterapi? Hospital mana yang buat rawatan ni?
Surgeon : Tawakkal tak buat. Tapi Ampang Puteri buat. Tapi Tuan, 1 kali kos Kemoterapi quite costing.
Abah : Berapa agak-agak tu?
Surgeon : RM12 000 per session.
Me : Takpelah Bah. Takyah lah rawat. Nanti baik Sendiri.
Abah : Apa consequences if tak rawat?
Surgeon : Adik, You are fronting with death. Ini bukan sakit macam Selesema or Batuk. Ini Kanser.
Me : Oh... Hehehehe. Okay. Will it be hurt?
Surgeon : *Complete silence*

So, My parents having a discussion about the treatments for Me. Mama was crying, and She hugged Me. She said,
"Takpelah Dik. Mama tau Adik kuat. Kita satu family ada untuk sokong Adik."

I cannot cry, I don't know why. I wasn't surprise. In fact, I was more anxious about My studies and My assignments. Those are undone works which I need to work out.

The next day, My Parents brought Me to Hematology Clinic of Ampang Hospital. There was the first time I met a quite famous Expertise of Blood Cancer (Dr. Ong). He was in His forties, 5 Feet tall and wearing spectacles.

Dr. Ong : Okay Adik. Meh Saya tengok Medical File kejap.
Dr. Ong : So, You've been diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma Stage 2B. Apa yang Saya tengok sini, Adik kena mula kan Kemoterapi secepat mungkin lah.
Me : Kemoterapi tu macam mana?
Dr. Ong : Dia cuma masuk ubat saja.
Me : Rambut Saya akan gugur ke?
Dr. Ong : You jangan risau, Semorang pun macam itu.
Me : Hahaha Saya tak risau pun. 
Dr. Ong : Jadi, memang ada aa benjolan tu dekat bahagian perut You, tengkuk, and Your pelvic area.
Me : Oh Yeke? Saya ingat kat Tengkuk je.
Dr. Ong : Dia merebak cepat. Tapi sebelum tu Kita akan buat Bone Marrow dulu and CT Scan.
Me : Bone Marrow tu apa?
Dr. Ong : Itu ambil sikit saja air tulang sum-sum belakang sini.
Mama : *Cries and cover her face with Her palm*
Me : Okay. Emm macam mana dengan class Saya? 
Dr. Ong : You stop study dulu okay? Because bila You start kemo, You tak boleh bercampur dengan orang. Your immune system will be Zero. You kena jaga sebaik mungkin diri You dalam tempoh kemoterapi.
Me : Stop?! 

Seriously, I wasn't crying starting from the first as I've been told that I was diagnosed with Cancer, until the Doctor asked Me to stop My studies. So, I refuse to stop My studies, as I persuade Mama to talk to the Academic Advisor.

But then, I'm at My weakest point when the doctor asked Me to stop My studies. I cannot help Myself from bursting out tears in front of everyone in the Doctor's Room. Mama hugged Me so tight, She asked Me to keep calm. Abah tried to remain calm, and not to cry in front of Me, so He walked out from the Doctor's Room, but then He came back and hold My hands. At that moment, I feel like throwing up a chair, punch the table and smash the curtain and all. I feel so damn angry with Myself because of having such a disease which messed up with My plan to finish My studies. But then, the Doctor tried to make Me calmer, so He asked Me if My parents could discuss with the Academic Advisor regarding this matter.

And so, We went back Home. Everyone is waiting for us to know the Result. I was remain silence and watch the television, but all the time My mind was thinking about My Tests and My Assignments. I have no idea who should I tell about all of this. I was pretty messed up. Abah was remain silence as well. He didn't have the strength to talk about how His child's health. I know He was heartbroken.

Then Mama.
Along : Mak, Adik macam mana?
Mama : Kena kanser lah. Macam mana lagi?
Baby : Habis tu macam mana nak baik kan?
Mama : Kemoterapi 12 Kali. Mama tau, sakit sangat Kemoterapi tu. Kita kena bagi sokongan kat Dia. Korang jangan bagi Dia sedih ke apa tau. Sama-sama kuat dengan Dia.
Along : Dik, Kau okay ke? 
Me : Haa? Okay je kot.
Angah : Habis class Kau macam mana?
Me : Doctor suruh stop.
Mama : Tu Adik jangan risau. Kita pergi Tanjung Malim nanti, Mama cakap dengan Academic Advisor Adik. Adik ada Number Phone Dia?
Me : Ada. Lapar lah.
Abah : Adik nak makan apa? Abah belikan.

And starting from that, the family bonding become stronger. I was touched, like until right now with all the sacrifices of My family had done towards Me.

Ruqayya Fuad

Essayist

If anyone can have it, I don't want it

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