Honestly

by 10:35 0 Comments
Honestly, I feel kind of lonely. This loneliness helps Me grows My OCD even worse. To calm My anxious mind, I keep cleaning things. To cover up this loneliness, I do cleaning and tiding. To use each and every single second given to Me, I do cleaning as well.

I do feel lonely even though, Abah, Mama, Siblings, Tuah and Safwa are here. I feel the emptiness since I can't meet You that often though. We are closer now, but We can't meet frequently. You're half of Me. Part of Me is empty. You take partially of My heart and My life. Can I meet You oftenly. Please?

I keep taking part in almost everything in UIA, just to cover up My emptiness and loneliness. I do try to overcome those. I do try to overcome My clingy-ness and dependent behaviours as well. Yes, I do take this as challenge :') I'm extremely happy to be Yours. I trust this relationship that both of us are madly in love with each other and can't even bother to check up on anyone else. But, I still need to meet You. To fill up My emptiness for quite a time though. 

Damn, I've been too emotional for this. I miss You Wahyu :') I cannot run from the fact that, I miss our long chat and jokes. Your smile, Your scent, the way You seemed so focus on something, the style of You try to not burst up nagging Me for being childish.

Seriously, I miss to talk to You for hours about everything even on the silliest topic. I miss how You stare into My eyes and touch My face. I'm so lonely 😢

Of how You smile at Me when I try to crack jokes, the way You tease Me, even for the way You pranked Me. I miss everything. I miss the way I feel so filled up by Your love. The way I used to be not so empty and lonely. I do understand, You are working, for our future. You try so hard to build our dreams to get married. I know. I'm so sorry for missing You so much. It's just the inevitable feeling.

Come here Baby, and wipe off My tears 🙍🏻

Ruqayya Fuad

Essayist

If anyone can have it, I don't want it

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